Shifting Priorities

Matthew 18:2-5 says “He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.” (NIV)

In the King James Version, verse 4 says “Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

The past few days I’ve been thinking about how the Bible says to pray without ceasing.

He wants us to praise Him, worship Him. He wants us to make a joyful noise to Him but the Bible says to pray without ceasing. He wants to talk to us regularly throughout the day. He wants a relationship with us. He doesn’t just want the worship to be focused on Him. He wants every moment to be focused on Him and what He can add to it. When God is with us, we cannot fail but we have to ask Him to come along with us, not just daily but in every moment of each day.

My father-in-law has not always attended church. He did when he was a kid but stopped sometime after that until more recent years. In the past few years that he has been back in church, I’ve heard him say several times that he talks to God out loud. I have been around to hear it sometimes too. I’m sure he sounds silly to some, talking out loud just to say “I hope it’s sunny today Lord” or “thank you for the sunshine” but he really feels God is right there listening to Him. His faith in some ways is still young but it’s so childlike.

As Christians we are to continue to learn and grow and become more Christ like as we mature in our faith but Jesus also said to be like the little children. Sometimes as we age and grow in our faith, we also complicate things more than they need to be. We need to mature and learn but also remember to be humble and eager to spend time with God, like a child eager to spend time with his daddy.

My father-in-law has been receiving a lot of compliments lately. His health is declining and family has been regularly visiting him and telling him how much they love him. He seems very thankful to see everyone and feel all their love but he also has had a lot of compliments from the staff of the hospital, rehab facility, etc. Everyone has been telling him, and us, how sweet he is and how much they’ve enjoyed getting to know him and care for him. He seems so surprised to hear them all talk that way. He’s so humble about it and just says thank you. He’s not sure why they’re saying that but I know why.

They say those things because it is partly their job but also because he jokes around with them, is light hearted and nice to them even when they’re getting on his nerves, which is hard to do when you don’t feel good. He has his moments like anyone when he’s irritable and wants left alone but he still shows them kindness. That’s why they say those things. It makes their very difficult job easier when their patient isn’t being mean or picking on them all the time.

I can’t help but see how Jesus has effected his life. How at one point we may have been unsure of the condition of his heart but now, even though his physical heart is failing, his spiritual heart is full of faith, childlike faith. He knows he doesn’t deserve forgiveness (none if us do) but he knows God has forgiven him and he will be with him in heaven. He is eager to be with Jesus. Eager to see his brother Jack again. Eager to know God more.

Are you eager to know God more? To spend more time with him? Is He a priority in your life?

I remember a time that my father-in-law didn’t go to church and didn’t talk about God. In the past few months, in the beginning of him starting to not feel well, he hated any time he had to miss church. Now as his health is declining, he hopes he can go one more time. What a change in priority. A simple change really. We sometimes think we have to make huge changes and all at once but really God calls us to just believe and to come to Him. Spend time with Him and choose to continue to grow closer to Him. Like a child who wants to be with and learn from their parents, we just have to be eager to spend the time building that relationship and allowing ourselves to grow.

Make Him your priority. You won’t regret it. All it takes is believing and a simple shift in priorities.

May 27, 2024 0

Disappointments

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how disappointing life can sometimes be and how we truly have to focus on the good in order to enjoy life. Sounds simple enough but it is really hard at times for some of us and it is nearly impossible for others. Sometimes life just surprises us with impossible obstacles, and we’re left wondering how we’re going to get through it all.

Something I think that can really feel unfair to me personally is that I am not a mother. I am a stepmom and I love my husband’s kids as if they were my own and being a stepmom does lessen the sting of not having my own biological children. I cannot say enough how thankful I am to have them and their father in my life. Still, not having children of my own was never part of the original plan.

I have loved kids my entire life and have babysat, worked in daycare or as a nanny off and on since I was 13. I’ve had many people tell me that I am so good with kids. I’ve been told I must have a lot of patience to work with children so much. Maybe I have patience with children, but I don’t have patience waiting to have a child of my own. I have always wanted to be a mom and I never really wanted to be anything else. A lot of people dream of being a teacher, doctor, artist, business owner, etc. but not me. I didn’t have career goals and I have no idea why I took college prep classes in high school. I had no intentions of doing any of that. I only wanted to be a mom.

As I am nearing my 40^th birthday I have started to come to terms with the fact that it may not be part of the plan for me to have my own child. Though we continue to try, I’m starting to gradually let go of a dream I once held on to so tightly. If I were to get pregnant, there would definitely be some rejoicing around here, but I am starting to have more peace about the possibly that it may never happen.

I say I’m starting to come to terms with it because I honestly can say on most days I am fine and my life is full of too many blessings to count. However, I still have really tough days that I just have to cry through until I’m on the other side of it.

I have not been very vocal or public about any of this because as a whole, we as humans like to fix things. We hear a problem or wish, and we want to help it come true especially if it’s for someone we love. I am not bragging when I say this, but my husband and I have a lot of wonderful people in our lives. People who support us, pray for us, and give to us. We are truly blessed. We have many encouraging voices that remind us that it could still happen, and I know it still can, but I can’t make my whole life about it or I will be missing the blessings I currently have. I appreciate every person who has encouraged us in this but I also feel like I need to remind myself that things don’t always go according to plan and that’s OK.

I say all this to bring up that we all have disappointments in life. Some that are frustrating and discouraging and some that are just outright heartbreaking.

Maybe you have lost a child, through miscarriage or tragedy.

Maybe you have lived most of your life single and long for the right person to come along side you.

Maybe you have lost your spouse and you are finding that the days since they’ve been gone are long and sometimes unbearable.

Maybe you have tried for years to get pregnant and it’s just not happening.

Maybe you had dreams to have a huge family but have only been able to have one child.

Maybe you lost a parent, or you have an ill parent, and you are wondering how long you have left with them.

Maybe you’re struggling financially, and you just don’t know what to do anymore.

Maybe you yourself are sick or recovering and have to find a new normal in the midst of a diagnosis, treatment, or health condition.

Maybe you are single again and having to start over living a life much differently than originally planned.

The list could go on and on…there are so many things in this world that are hard. Some that discourage us and some that downright break our hearts. There is no telling this side of heaven why some things happen the way they do. Why do bad things happen? Why do we struggle sometimes? Why do we struggle to let go of things that are not for us right now or maybe at all?

All I can say is we’re human and imperfect and we all struggle to understand why things don’t go according to plan. We would like to have to all figured out but we’re not living in a perfect world here so we might as well get used to the ups and downs of life and try to find the good in it all.

What are the good things in life? You have to answer that yourself. What blessings do you have in your life that you know make your life better? Your friends? Your family? Your faith?

I know without my faith in God, I would struggle a lot more than I do with the way life goes sometimes. I also know that my husband is one of my greatest blessings because he constantly points me to Jesus. No matter what is going on around us he is saying God gave us this blessing, God will take care of this problem, God is with us through this trial. The bible is full of promises that God will never leave us or forsake us but having someone come beside me and audibly say it on a regular basis is a huge asset and blessing. Having people like this in your life is so important. People who remind you of the good in your life. I don’t mean people who tell you what you want to hear. That’s not what my husband does. He tells me hard truths with love and reminds me that God’s plan is better than any plan we can come up with ourselves.

I can honestly say it’s disappointing that we have not had a baby. I also can honestly say that we have fun dreaming of retirement and traveling and doing a lot of other things in the future. Whichever future is ours; I’ll take it and I’ll take all the blessings God has for me with it. My life with my husband, my family, my friends…all the good stuff, far outweighs all of the disappointments, letdowns, and pain. My life with Jesus far outweighs any trouble we have on this earth. I will live my life with the knowledge that someday I’ll spend eternity with Him and the things of this world will not matter anymore.

When you find yourself in dark times, when you’re feeling alone and forgotten, remember that God loves you and He can help carry your load if you let Him. He will never leave you and He will walk through the valleys with you. It is not always easy for anyone in this life but knowing God is with us does make life better. He can give us more than we could ever imagine, if we only take the time to recognize our blessings.

June 22, 2023 4

A Good Heart

Over the past few years, I have not utilized this blog as much as I had hoped. I don’t have any good excuse really except that life happens and gets busy. I am a person that has to, HAS to, slow down and take the time I need to rest. I cannot function well for long without it (especially the older I get lol). So, when life is a little busier, some of my favorite things to do get neglected a little. One of those is making time for writing. I love to read, and I love to write, and I also love to talk so it makes sense that I would have a lot to say right? Well, in my opinion I am better at writing my thoughts than I am actually saying them out loud. I do love to talk but if you get me talking about things I love like Jesus, my husband, my family, etc. I’ll just cry and then it’s kind of hard to understand what I’m saying.

That is why I chose to start a blog and share some of my thoughts and all the many ways God has blessed us. When I was a kid, I wrote in my journal every day and I thought it would be really cool to someday write a book, but I was young then and most of what I wrote about was boys, my friends, the Backstreet Boys, and Michael W. Smith. Now that I have lived a little more, I feel like I have more of a story to tell, more specifically a story for my husband, Randy and I to tell. I have put it off for a long time but in the past few months I have felt the nudge a little more and I have had people encourage us lately to share our story, so this is me saying I want to, and I am working on being more intentional about it.

Not many people follow this blog, which is most likely due to the fact that I rarely post but today I am feeling the need to get some feelings out. I may not write as often as I want to and if I write a book someday there’s a chance that very few will read it but if one person reads something I write and feels encouraged, feels God’s love, feels like they really needed to hear it, then I will have done what I set out to do. I only want to share what God has done throughout my life and Randy’s life and how He brought us together and continuously blessed us and sustained us through the ups and downs of everyday life.

So, to start off this journey I’m going to go backwards and instead of starting at the beginning of my life or the beginning of Randy and I’s marriage, I’ve decided to just tell you about today with a little context of the past few months.

In December of last year Randy had a stent put in the left side of his heart. The many tests taken at the hospital indicated that his heart had already had the heart attack probably in the previous week and he was now feeling the effects of a widow maker heart attack that should have killed him. Only 12% of people survive a widow maker and Randy is one of them. Basically, the whole left side of his heart had blockage and the bottom of his heart wasn’t working. The doctor who put the stent in said there is no medical explanation why he survived except that God decided it was not his time yet.

Before Randy was released from the hospital, they set up an appointment for him with a cardiologist in a couple days. When we saw the cardiologist, he explained what had happened with Randy’s heart. He even drew us a picture to show us what part of the heart he was talking about, etc. He’s a great doctor, we love him. One of the things he told us that day was that Randy’s heart was working at 30%. Normally our hearts are working at 50-55% and when it gets to 30% they start talking about the need for a pacemaker. So the doctor told Randy in the next 3 months he needed to work on strengthening his heart so that hopefully it will be strong again and not need a pacemaker.

So that is exactly what Randy did. We changed our food choices and habits, and he went to cardiac therapy 3 times a week for 3 months. This was tiring and not always easy, especially while also working full-time jobs. I will not get into it all right now (it’ll have to be another post for another day) but we could not have done it without the cooperation, understanding, and grace from our employer. They have been so so good to us. They really encourage Randy to take care of himself first and then worry about work.

Randy has really worked hard at doing everything he could to get his heart healthier and all while still feeling the fatigue that we all have come to learn hangs on after having Covid (yeah, he had Covid too which is also another post for another day lol). I am so proud of how much he has stuck to his diet and exercising and how he has encouraged me to eat healthier too.

Today it has been 3 months, Randy has finished his cardiac rehab and he went to the cardiologist today to get the results of his echocardiogram. His heart is now at 50%! Praise God!!

We were so happy to hear those words! God is so good!

I want to let you know something too, God is always good. Always good. Life is better with Him than it ever is without Him. I know that now on a good day and I knew it then when I was scared in the hospital wondering what was going on with my husband. I know God could’ve decided that it was Randy’s time, and that heart attack could’ve made me a widow. I honestly cannot even picture my life without Randy and I honestly cannot even come up with the correct words to explain how I’d feel if he were gone right now. I know I’d feel a little lost but I also know that I would have family and friends reminding me in my sadness that God is still good. Today we get to celebrate that Randy is still here and his heart is healthy and I am so thankful because of this but I also know that when the outcome is different and life breaks your heart, Jesus can heal it. He can pick up your broken pieces and remind you that you are loved and not alone.

We are called to show the world that we love like Jesus, that we care about people. We need to reach out to people in our life that need to see God’s love through us. We need the world to see a Christian that shows them grace and love. Someone that they enjoy being around and come to for encouragement. Randy has a good heart. He loves people. He is encouraging and uplifting and there are people in his life who do not believe the same as him, but they are drawn to his optimism. They come to him to let off steam or to get encouragement and sometimes they talk about Jesus. If they ask about what he believes about something he does not lie or water down the truth, but he lovingly shares with them what God has done for him throughout his life. This is how the world should see Christians, how they should see church people.

We need to be there for people, really love them, and let God effect their lives. We also need to live it and not just say the words. Randy is a pastor and up until recently when he needed to focus on his health, we pastored a small church for a little over a year. When I think of Ukraine, I cannot help but wonder what our lives would be like if we were over there living right now. Would we be staying with our church to care for those in need? Would we be running people to the border so they can escape Russia’s attacks. Would I be leaving the country and Randy staying behind to stay at the church? These are things the pastors, the missionaries, the Christians, and all of the people of Ukraine are dealing with right now. We need to let God effect our own lives too. We need to be there for those who need us and who may never agree with us, but they will know that they saw God’s love through us. Sometimes all we can do is sit down and pray but sometimes we need to do more and instead we sit down.

[Just a little side note, this is in no way a political post and I am not saying we need to go to war or anything like that. I’m simply saying we are called to love people and share the gospel with them and here in America we sometimes forget that other people risk their lives in order to have the freedoms we so easily take for granted.]

March 18, 2022 0

Lord, I Need You

Do you ever have a day that was just hard? Today was one of those days in my life. When I say hard I do not mean the tasks I had to do today was difficult. The hard part of today was that I let my mind worry about things in my life that are causing me to feel stressed and down. I sometimes feel like I never know what I’m doing or what I should be doing. It is so frustrating to feel as though the things you feel called to do are not what you are doing right now. Being patient and waiting on God’s timing is not an easy thing and sometimes it seems downright impossible. We can let ourselves get so disappointed and doubtful that we don’t feel like even trying to do what we need to do because we’re worried that it still won’t work out in our favor in the end.
Today, in the midst of my work, I was full of worry, doubt, questions, discouragement. I felt a little defeated and I just wanted to come home from work, drink some coca cola, eat some cake, and lay down in bed and cry. I did some of those things but instead of laying down to cry, I decided to write. Before I had a chance to write much of anything, my husband called me from work to talk to me for a few minutes. While on the phone with him I realized it was raining a bit and the sun was shining. Enjoying photography like I do, I decided I better get my camera and see if I can’t find a rainbow. As I walked to the backyard I noticed a rainbow and took a few shots of it while talking to my husband. He had to get back to work so we said our goodbyes and I went in to upload my photos and look through them. It wasn’t until later when I took a good look at one of the photos that I realized what just happened.
I had spent most of my day in worry wondering what the future holds and what I should be doing in the meantime. I let myself get discouraged and upset. Still despite all of my doubts and grumbling, God painted a rainbow in the sky to remind me that He keeps His promises. When I saw this photo I just stared at it for awhile. The rainbow stretching across the sky over our house seemed to be placed there just for me. I know many people saw the rainbow and I cannot tell you what it may mean to someone else but to me it means…
God is with us
He has a hedge of protection around us
He will not fail us
He will provide for all our needs
He knows the desires of our hearts
He keeps His promises

and as long as we put our trust in Him we will not fail but prosper for He has a plan for our lives. He has a purpose for each of us that no one else can fulfill.

He loves, oh how he loves us.

Remember His love, remember His promises, and trust in His grace and goodness. When you feel like all hope is gone, take a look around. God is not shy, He is not secretive. He will show you the way and if He needs you to stay put for now, He will remind you that He has a plan and has not forgotten about you. There are signs everywhere that show us that God is alive and well and in control. Let’s try to remember that more and trust in Him.

June 1, 2018 2