Shifting Priorities

Matthew 18:2-5 says “He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.” (NIV)

In the King James Version, verse 4 says “Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

The past few days I’ve been thinking about how the Bible says to pray without ceasing.

He wants us to praise Him, worship Him. He wants us to make a joyful noise to Him but the Bible says to pray without ceasing. He wants to talk to us regularly throughout the day. He wants a relationship with us. He doesn’t just want the worship to be focused on Him. He wants every moment to be focused on Him and what He can add to it. When God is with us, we cannot fail but we have to ask Him to come along with us, not just daily but in every moment of each day.

My father-in-law has not always attended church. He did when he was a kid but stopped sometime after that until more recent years. In the past few years that he has been back in church, I’ve heard him say several times that he talks to God out loud. I have been around to hear it sometimes too. I’m sure he sounds silly to some, talking out loud just to say “I hope it’s sunny today Lord” or “thank you for the sunshine” but he really feels God is right there listening to Him. His faith in some ways is still young but it’s so childlike.

As Christians we are to continue to learn and grow and become more Christ like as we mature in our faith but Jesus also said to be like the little children. Sometimes as we age and grow in our faith, we also complicate things more than they need to be. We need to mature and learn but also remember to be humble and eager to spend time with God, like a child eager to spend time with his daddy.

My father-in-law has been receiving a lot of compliments lately. His health is declining and family has been regularly visiting him and telling him how much they love him. He seems very thankful to see everyone and feel all their love but he also has had a lot of compliments from the staff of the hospital, rehab facility, etc. Everyone has been telling him, and us, how sweet he is and how much they’ve enjoyed getting to know him and care for him. He seems so surprised to hear them all talk that way. He’s so humble about it and just says thank you. He’s not sure why they’re saying that but I know why.

They say those things because it is partly their job but also because he jokes around with them, is light hearted and nice to them even when they’re getting on his nerves, which is hard to do when you don’t feel good. He has his moments like anyone when he’s irritable and wants left alone but he still shows them kindness. That’s why they say those things. It makes their very difficult job easier when their patient isn’t being mean or picking on them all the time.

I can’t help but see how Jesus has effected his life. How at one point we may have been unsure of the condition of his heart but now, even though his physical heart is failing, his spiritual heart is full of faith, childlike faith. He knows he doesn’t deserve forgiveness (none if us do) but he knows God has forgiven him and he will be with him in heaven. He is eager to be with Jesus. Eager to see his brother Jack again. Eager to know God more.

Are you eager to know God more? To spend more time with him? Is He a priority in your life?

I remember a time that my father-in-law didn’t go to church and didn’t talk about God. In the past few months, in the beginning of him starting to not feel well, he hated any time he had to miss church. Now as his health is declining, he hopes he can go one more time. What a change in priority. A simple change really. We sometimes think we have to make huge changes and all at once but really God calls us to just believe and to come to Him. Spend time with Him and choose to continue to grow closer to Him. Like a child who wants to be with and learn from their parents, we just have to be eager to spend the time building that relationship and allowing ourselves to grow.

Make Him your priority. You won’t regret it. All it takes is believing and a simple shift in priorities.

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Disappointments

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how disappointing life can sometimes be and how we truly have to focus on the good in order to enjoy life. Sounds simple enough but it is really hard at times for some of us and it is nearly impossible for others. Sometimes life just surprises us with impossible obstacles, and we’re left wondering how we’re going to get through it all.

Something I think that can really feel unfair to me personally is that I am not a mother. I am a stepmom and I love my husband’s kids as if they were my own and being a stepmom does lessen the sting of not having my own biological children. I cannot say enough how thankful I am to have them and their father in my life. Still, not having children of my own was never part of the original plan.

I have loved kids my entire life and have babysat, worked in daycare or as a nanny off and on since I was 13. I’ve had many people tell me that I am so good with kids. I’ve been told I must have a lot of patience to work with children so much. Maybe I have patience with children, but I don’t have patience waiting to have a child of my own. I have always wanted to be a mom and I never really wanted to be anything else. A lot of people dream of being a teacher, doctor, artist, business owner, etc. but not me. I didn’t have career goals and I have no idea why I took college prep classes in high school. I had no intentions of doing any of that. I only wanted to be a mom.

As I am nearing my 40th birthday I have started to come to terms with the fact that it may not be part of the plan for me to have my own child. Though we continue to try, I’m starting to gradually let go of a dream I once held on to so tightly. If I were to get pregnant, there would definitely be some rejoicing around here, but I am starting to have more peace about the possibly that it may never happen.

I say I’m starting to come to terms with it because I honestly can say on most days I am fine and my life is full of too many blessings to count. However, I still have really tough days that I just have to cry through until I’m on the other side of it.

I have not been very vocal or public about any of this because as a whole, we as humans like to fix things. We hear a problem or wish, and we want to help it come true especially if it’s for someone we love. I am not bragging when I say this, but my husband and I have a lot of wonderful people in our lives. People who support us, pray for us, and give to us. We are truly blessed. We have many encouraging voices that remind us that it could still happen, and I know it still can, but I can’t make my whole life about it or I will be missing the blessings I currently have. I appreciate every person who has encouraged us in this but I also feel like I need to remind myself that things don’t always go according to plan and that’s OK.

I say all this to bring up that we all have disappointments in life. Some that are frustrating and discouraging and some that are just outright heartbreaking.

Maybe you have lost a child, through miscarriage or tragedy.

Maybe you have lived most of your life single and long for the right person to come along side you.

Maybe you have lost your spouse and you are finding that the days since they’ve been gone are long and sometimes unbearable.

Maybe you have tried for years to get pregnant and it’s just not happening.

Maybe you had dreams to have a huge family but have only been able to have one child.

Maybe you lost a parent, or you have an ill parent, and you are wondering how long you have left with them.

Maybe you’re struggling financially, and you just don’t know what to do anymore.

Maybe you yourself are sick or recovering and have to find a new normal in the midst of a diagnosis, treatment, or health condition.

Maybe you are single again and having to start over living a life much differently than originally planned.

The list could go on and on…there are so many things in this world that are hard. Some that discourage us and some that downright break our hearts. There is no telling this side of heaven why some things happen the way they do. Why do bad things happen? Why do we struggle sometimes? Why do we struggle to let go of things that are not for us right now or maybe at all?

All I can say is we’re human and imperfect and we all struggle to understand why things don’t go according to plan. We would like to have to all figured out but we’re not living in a perfect world here so we might as well get used to the ups and downs of life and try to find the good in it all.

What are the good things in life? You have to answer that yourself. What blessings do you have in your life that you know make your life better? Your friends? Your family? Your faith?

I know without my faith in God, I would struggle a lot more than I do with the way life goes sometimes. I also know that my husband is one of my greatest blessings because he constantly points me to Jesus. No matter what is going on around us he is saying God gave us this blessing, God will take care of this problem, God is with us through this trial. The bible is full of promises that God will never leave us or forsake us but having someone come beside me and audibly say it on a regular basis is a huge asset and blessing. Having people like this in your life is so important. People who remind you of the good in your life. I don’t mean people who tell you what you want to hear. That’s not what my husband does. He tells me hard truths with love and reminds me that God’s plan is better than any plan we can come up with ourselves.

I can honestly say it’s disappointing that we have not had a baby. I also can honestly say that we have fun dreaming of retirement and traveling and doing a lot of other things in the future. Whichever future is ours; I’ll take it and I’ll take all the blessings God has for me with it. My life with my husband, my family, my friends…all the good stuff, far outweighs all of the disappointments, letdowns, and pain. My life with Jesus far outweighs any trouble we have on this earth. I will live my life with the knowledge that someday I’ll spend eternity with Him and the things of this world will not matter anymore.

When you find yourself in dark times, when you’re feeling alone and forgotten, remember that God loves you and He can help carry your load if you let Him. He will never leave you and He will walk through the valleys with you. It is not always easy for anyone in this life but knowing God is with us does make life better. He can give us more than we could ever imagine, if we only take the time to recognize our blessings.

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A Good Heart

Over the past few years, I have not utilized this blog as much as I had hoped. I don’t have any good excuse really except that life happens and gets busy. I am a person that has to, HAS to, slow down and take the time I need to rest. I cannot function well for long without it (especially the older I get lol). So, when life is a little busier, some of my favorite things to do get neglected a little. One of those is making time for writing. I love to read, and I love to write, and I also love to talk so it makes sense that I would have a lot to say right? Well, in my opinion I am better at writing my thoughts than I am actually saying them out loud. I do love to talk but if you get me talking about things I love like Jesus, my husband, my family, etc. I’ll just cry and then it’s kind of hard to understand what I’m saying.

That is why I chose to start a blog and share some of my thoughts and all the many ways God has blessed us. When I was a kid, I wrote in my journal every day and I thought it would be really cool to someday write a book, but I was young then and most of what I wrote about was boys, my friends, the Backstreet Boys, and Michael W. Smith. Now that I have lived a little more, I feel like I have more of a story to tell, more specifically a story for my husband, Randy and I to tell. I have put it off for a long time but in the past few months I have felt the nudge a little more and I have had people encourage us lately to share our story, so this is me saying I want to, and I am working on being more intentional about it.

Not many people follow this blog, which is most likely due to the fact that I rarely post but today I am feeling the need to get some feelings out. I may not write as often as I want to and if I write a book someday there’s a chance that very few will read it but if one person reads something I write and feels encouraged, feels God’s love, feels like they really needed to hear it, then I will have done what I set out to do. I only want to share what God has done throughout my life and Randy’s life and how He brought us together and continuously blessed us and sustained us through the ups and downs of everyday life.

So, to start off this journey I’m going to go backwards and instead of starting at the beginning of my life or the beginning of Randy and I’s marriage, I’ve decided to just tell you about today with a little context of the past few months.

In December of last year Randy had a stent put in the left side of his heart. The many tests taken at the hospital indicated that his heart had already had the heart attack probably in the previous week and he was now feeling the effects of a widow maker heart attack that should have killed him. Only 12% of people survive a widow maker and Randy is one of them. Basically, the whole left side of his heart had blockage and the bottom of his heart wasn’t working. The doctor who put the stent in said there is no medical explanation why he survived except that God decided it was not his time yet.

Before Randy was released from the hospital, they set up an appointment for him with a cardiologist in a couple days. When we saw the cardiologist, he explained what had happened with Randy’s heart. He even drew us a picture to show us what part of the heart he was talking about, etc. He’s a great doctor, we love him. One of the things he told us that day was that Randy’s heart was working at 30%. Normally our hearts are working at 50-55% and when it gets to 30% they start talking about the need for a pacemaker. So the doctor told Randy in the next 3 months he needed to work on strengthening his heart so that hopefully it will be strong again and not need a pacemaker.

So that is exactly what Randy did. We changed our food choices and habits, and he went to cardiac therapy 3 times a week for 3 months. This was tiring and not always easy, especially while also working full-time jobs. I will not get into it all right now (it’ll have to be another post for another day) but we could not have done it without the cooperation, understanding, and grace from our employer. They have been so so good to us. They really encourage Randy to take care of himself first and then worry about work.

Randy has really worked hard at doing everything he could to get his heart healthier and all while still feeling the fatigue that we all have come to learn hangs on after having Covid (yeah, he had Covid too which is also another post for another day lol). I am so proud of how much he has stuck to his diet and exercising and how he has encouraged me to eat healthier too.

Today it has been 3 months, Randy has finished his cardiac rehab and he went to the cardiologist today to get the results of his echocardiogram. His heart is now at 50%! Praise God!!

We were so happy to hear those words! God is so good!

I want to let you know something too, God is always good. Always good. Life is better with Him than it ever is without Him. I know that now on a good day and I knew it then when I was scared in the hospital wondering what was going on with my husband. I know God could’ve decided that it was Randy’s time, and that heart attack could’ve made me a widow. I honestly cannot even picture my life without Randy and I honestly cannot even come up with the correct words to explain how I’d feel if he were gone right now. I know I’d feel a little lost but I also know that I would have family and friends reminding me in my sadness that God is still good. Today we get to celebrate that Randy is still here and his heart is healthy and I am so thankful because of this but I also know that when the outcome is different and life breaks your heart, Jesus can heal it. He can pick up your broken pieces and remind you that you are loved and not alone.

We are called to show the world that we love like Jesus, that we care about people. We need to reach out to people in our life that need to see God’s love through us. We need the world to see a Christian that shows them grace and love. Someone that they enjoy being around and come to for encouragement. Randy has a good heart. He loves people. He is encouraging and uplifting and there are people in his life who do not believe the same as him, but they are drawn to his optimism. They come to him to let off steam or to get encouragement and sometimes they talk about Jesus. If they ask about what he believes about something he does not lie or water down the truth, but he lovingly shares with them what God has done for him throughout his life. This is how the world should see Christians, how they should see church people.

We need to be there for people, really love them, and let God effect their lives. We also need to live it and not just say the words. Randy is a pastor and up until recently when he needed to focus on his health, we pastored a small church for a little over a year. When I think of Ukraine, I cannot help but wonder what our lives would be like if we were over there living right now. Would we be staying with our church to care for those in need? Would we be running people to the border so they can escape Russia’s attacks. Would I be leaving the country and Randy staying behind to stay at the church? These are things the pastors, the missionaries, the Christians, and all of the people of Ukraine are dealing with right now. We need to let God effect our own lives too. We need to be there for those who need us and who may never agree with us, but they will know that they saw God’s love through us. Sometimes all we can do is sit down and pray but sometimes we need to do more and instead we sit down.

[Just a little side note, this is in no way a political post and I am not saying we need to go to war or anything like that. I’m simply saying we are called to love people and share the gospel with them and here in America we sometimes forget that other people risk their lives in order to have the freedoms we so easily take for granted.]

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My two cents…

[You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you -Matthew 5:38-44]

Jesus did not say do this only for those who haven’t done anything too bad or only those who deserve it. He said love your enemies. Love those who persecute you, who persecute others. We are called not only to love those who are hurting but also those who have hurt others. If we don’t show grace and compassion to those who are doing wrong, how do you expect them to change? How will they see Jesus? Don’t tell me people can’t change. I have seen people change. I have seen God restore lives and heal relationships. Have I seen people who repeatedly refuse to change? Of course. Do I still hope? Absolutely. You never know when someone will make that decision to change and when they do, you need to be there to help. Not to ‘give them what they deserve’. I am thankful every day Jesus died so that I could be forgiven for my sins instead of getting what I deserve. We are called to act better to be better human beings not act like we’re better/our sins are better than someone else’s.

“I don’t like to think of anyone as a lost cause” -Julia Ormond, Sabrina

“Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement.” -J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

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We’re In This Together

Seeing a lot of political posts online lately. Sometimes President Trump does something good, sometimes he does not. Some love him, some hate him. I believe all of our presidents deserve respect for the title they have as president but neither he, nor any other political person or stance, should cause us to burn bridges and end relationships. We should be a team during this pandemic, not enemies.

I was listening to YouTube Music yesterday and heard “When You Love Someone” by Bryan Adams. As it started playing, I realized that some of the lines it uses to describe how someone acts out of love, are also used sometimes as how we sometimes act in hate or dislike.

Lines like…

“When you love someone
You’ll do anything
You’ll do all the crazy things
That you can’t explain
You’ll shoot the moon
Put out the sun
When you love someone
You’ll deny the truth
Believe a lie”

Or…

“You’ll feel it deep inside
And nothin’ else
Could ever change your mind”

And…

“You’ll sacrifice
Give it everything you got
And you won’t think twice
You’d risk it all
No matter what may come”

Sometimes when we feel strongly about something, we forget to be compassionate, kind, loving, and understanding. We forget to listen.

Just my 2 cents 🤷

 

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One of the Good Guys

As a kid you always hear adults saying “if I knew then what I know now” or “you don’t know what I know” and other phrases of that nature and of course when you are young you have little to no idea what on earth they are even talking about. Then, as time goes on and you learn more and more, you start to see things like they did, the world looks different as you get older and you start to realize, especially if you have children now, that your parents did a lot more than you ever realized. Now I know in some cases that is not true but for the most part we really don’t realize all the things that adults have to deal with when we are kids. I have been blessed to have truly incredible parents. I believe I have always known I had good parents even in those years where I didn’t always want to listen to them because deep down I always knew they were right. They loved me and my siblings unconditionally with discipline and grace and gave us an amazing example of true love. I may not have always agreed with them when I was younger but I have always appreciated their integrity and honesty. They are not perfect, they have made mistakes, but they have never let me down. They have been a constant support my entire life. If I had known then what I know now, maybe I wouldn’t have given them such a hard time sometimes.
I feel so blessed to know I have such good parents that have always been there for me and my family. Still lately I have heard or seen many stories about parents, fathers in particular, that break my heart. There are people who haven’t had the greatest childhood and some just make me weep to hear all that they went through as a child. There are some who have grown up and chosen forgiveness and they now have wonderful relationships with their father and there are others who remain estranged and hurt. When I hear some of these stories I feel sometimes as though I lived in a dream world as a child, a carefree bubble where our family was happy and my dad was our leader, our rock, our provider. My dad worked hard but made time for us always. He took time to play with us, teach us, and was so proud to go to any and all of the competitions, track meets, tennis matches, musicals, concerts, and field trips that he could. He volunteered at church but also lived the way he taught at home and everywhere he went. My father was the same every day all day no matter where he was, he belonged to Jesus, and he taught us that it was not a part time job or a social event, it was a way of life. To this day if you talk to dad for very long at all you will hear him talk about some, if not all of the many ways God has blessed his life. Those that know him well know that he has been through a lot health wise in the past few years and there are times when he just does not feel great at all. Still he tells his story, always giving God the glory, every chance he gets.
I do not mean to be boastful or to say that he is perfect, none of us are this side of heaven. Still I feel it necessary to say that my dad was one of the good guys. He loved Jesus and us more than anything. He taught me how to live a life that pleases God. He showed me what to look for in a husband. He taught me that honesty and integrity is more important than personal gain and wealth. He taught me so many things and continues to do so. In a world where it is so normal for children to be raising themselves with little parental guidance or no parents at all, I just can’t thank God enough for my dad.
It’s funny to think about the ways that I am like my dad. I used to deny that I was like him but as I get older I can see it more and more. One of the most noticeable similarities is I rarely stop talking and though my dad may not talk as often as I do now, I get it honest. I get it from him most definitely. It is hard to escape a conversation with either of us because we just really like to talk…a lot. Another similarity is I can get upset fast sometimes which I would have to say comes from him. God bless mom and my husband for putting up with us when we are grumpy! All joking aside though, I hope I am like him in many other ways. I hope people look at me and see the integrity and honesty I see in him. I hope people look at me and see the joy I have that only comes from Jesus. I pray that I am at least half as good of a church member, sibling, spouse, parent, and most of all Christian as my daddy. He is so many things to so many people. I suppose that’s probably why I like the movie It’s A Wonderful Life so much because it shows how much other people are affected by one person’s life. That is my dad through and through. If it weren’t for my dad I know that some people’s lives would be a lot different. He has always been someone that reaches out to so many and I am so proud to call him my dad.
I am blessed to have such a loving father who always built his family up, who was encouraging and comforting, who instilled in us a deep desire to do what is right and to help those around us. I cannot express enough how thankful I am to have grown up in house where there was no fear, hate, mistrust or abuse but instead love, guidance, truth, and affirmation. I am so thankful for both of my parents but I am especially grateful on this Father’s Day for my dad, the leader of our family. I could not have asked for anyone better.
I love you dad, Happy Father’s Day!

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Lord, I Need You

Do you ever have a day that was just hard? Today was one of those days in my life. When I say hard I do not mean the tasks I had to do today was difficult. The hard part of today was that I let my mind worry about things in my life that are causing me to feel stressed and down. I sometimes feel like I never know what I’m doing or what I should be doing. It is so frustrating to feel as though the things you feel called to do are not what you are doing right now. Being patient and waiting on God’s timing is not an easy thing and sometimes it seems downright impossible. We can let ourselves get so disappointed and doubtful that we don’t feel like even trying to do what we need to do because we’re worried that it still won’t work out in our favor in the end.
Today, in the midst of my work, I was full of worry, doubt, questions, discouragement. I felt a little defeated and I just wanted to come home from work, drink some coca cola, eat some cake, and lay down in bed and cry. I did some of those things but instead of laying down to cry, I decided to write. Before I had a chance to write much of anything, my husband called me from work to talk to me for a few minutes. While on the phone with him I realized it was raining a bit and the sun was shining. Enjoying photography like I do, I decided I better get my camera and see if I can’t find a rainbow. As I walked to the backyard I noticed a rainbow and took a few shots of it while talking to my husband. He had to get back to work so we said our goodbyes and I went in to upload my photos and look through them. It wasn’t until later when I took a good look at one of the photos that I realized what just happened.
I had spent most of my day in worry wondering what the future holds and what I should be doing in the meantime. I let myself get discouraged and upset. Still despite all of my doubts and grumbling, God painted a rainbow in the sky to remind me that He keeps His promises. When I saw this photo I just stared at it for awhile. The rainbow stretching across the sky over our house seemed to be placed there just for me. I know many people saw the rainbow and I cannot tell you what it may mean to someone else but to me it means…
God is with us
He has a hedge of protection around us
He will not fail us
He will provide for all our needs
He knows the desires of our hearts
He keeps His promises

and as long as we put our trust in Him we will not fail but prosper for He has a plan for our lives. He has a purpose for each of us that no one else can fulfill.

He loves, oh how he loves us.

Remember His love, remember His promises, and trust in His grace and goodness. When you feel like all hope is gone, take a look around. God is not shy, He is not secretive. He will show you the way and if He needs you to stay put for now, He will remind you that He has a plan and has not forgotten about you. There are signs everywhere that show us that God is alive and well and in control. Let’s try to remember that more and trust in Him.

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A Full Life

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Let me just start today by saying that today, in my neck of the woods, it is rainy and grey and I am having trouble mustering up much motivation to write. I’d much rather curl up on the couch and listen to the rain while reading…or sleeping. Still I really feel I need to write what is on my heart today.

As Easter has come to a close and we all have went back to our daily routines, I can’t help but wonder how many of us are already acting as though we forget what we just celebrated 2 days ago. You may be feeling as though the world is against you. Maybe things are not good at home or maybe not going well at work. Maybe something you’re waiting for gets pushed back even further and you don’t know if you can stand it any longer. Maybe you’ve experienced a great deal of loss lately. It could be that you’re just not sure you can handle one more snowy day or maybe you’re praying for just one more day off. Whatever the case may be, we as humans tend to focus on ourselves and our surroundings. We have trouble waiting for the future. We have trouble getting over the past. We build up feelings of hurt, sadness, weariness, confusion, or even simply boredom. Sometimes we can feel low from a lack of something happening in our lives, sometimes from too many things happening. For a lot of us, Easter is a day of celebrating the best thing that ever happened in the history of the world. Jesus died for us. Yet 2 days later we are grumbling and complaining while trying to muddle through our day. We know Jesus loves us and we are thankful but are we acting as we should? Now before you think I am accusing some of you of acting simply horrible just a few days after Resurrection Sunday, let me tell you how my Easter Sunday unfolded.

My husband loves winter, he loves the snow a lot. I on the other hand would rather have warm weather so I can wear my flip flops. Some people, like myself, need a little sunshine to get them through the winter. My yearning for spring led me to purchase a bright yellow dress online as an attempt to make it through a couple more months of inclement weather (and to add something besides blue and black to my wardrobe). I planned on wearing the dress for Easter and possibly my step son’s wedding this summer because I really liked the style and was excited for spring/summer festivities. When I received it in the mail and tried it on a few times it fit well and looked nice. I had it all planned out. I was wearing my amber jewelry, my white sweater, and I bought nail polish to match my dress. My husband would match in the tie we bought him to wear with his suit. We were ready for Easter.

When Easter morning arrived we rushed around trying to make it to the early service on time and in the midst of the hurriedness and lack of sleep we encountered a problem. My yellow dress that we planned on everything matching decided that the zipper no longer needed to do its job and before I could even wear it for the first time, it was broken. I thought maybe I could fix it later. So I put on last year’s dress and we rushed off to church. I tried not to think about the dress at all during the service and for the most part succeeded but that was while I still had hope of wearing it later. The service was great and we enjoyed singing old hymns in the choir. Afterwards we rushed home to prepare some food for dinner later and to take a look at the dress. As I began to look over it I realized more and more that I couldn’t fix it and sorrow washed over me. That sounds really dramatic for a dress doesn’t it? The fact that I felt sorrowful for a dress made me feel silly and the fact that I was actually upset enough to cry about it on Easter Sunday was even more ridiculous to me. I was mad the zipper broke and mad at myself for being upset on Easter. Jesus died to take away my sin and I’m mad that I can’t wear a yellow dress. My patient and sweet husband kept telling me it was understandable to be disappointed and he kept pointing out to me that my nail polish and his tie still matched the dress I was wearing, last year’s dress. At first I did not care that I still matched, I had wanted to wear yellow but luckily it was time to go back to church and it was clear I definitely needed some church.

After arriving at church a 2nd time I was overcome with emotion for what Easter means, Jesus giving his life to save mine. I enjoyed singing my heart out to Jesus and hearing the great message our pastor gave. I made the choice to be blessed by the service and see the blessings around me despite the days earlier events. I had all but forgot about the morning’s disappointment until we were on our way to my brother’s house for dinner. We were almost there and I was in mid sentence telling my husband how happy I’ll be to see my family, especially the babies, when a truck decided to come into our lane and force us halfway off the road. My husband is a great driver and he simply slowed down and continued driving. We really were in no danger, it happened in a way that we were able to move over easily without risking any contact. Still I could feel myself tense up. I finally said to my husband “Satan is really trying to make me upset on Easter!”

How true those words are! We forget sometimes that the devil is constantly trying to upset us. He wants us to be sad, mad, and discouraged. He wants to make us feel hopeless and alone. He knows that if he plays his cards right, he can make us feel bad about ourselves even in the midst of a beautiful Easter Sunday full of blessings. So if you’re feeling down a few days after Easter and you’re wondering how you could lose sight of Jesus on the cross so quickly remember that it is the devil’s job to destroy you and he will try harder and harder the more time you spend with God. Don’t let the devil keep you down. God loves you and has a plan for your life and if you keep your eyes fixed on Him, the devil cannot steal your joy. He can never take away God’s love and grace. I am so thankful for that!

So whether you had a rough start to Sunday morning or life is just not going right at the moment, rest assured in the fact that Jesus lives today and he came to redeem us! The devil can use the littlest things to distract us from the cross. Don’t let the devil steal any part of your day, any part of your life! Our lives were meant to be lived to the fullest and to glorify God!

My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart -Proverbs 3:1

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full -John 10:10

 

 

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Dealing with Depression

Saw this post by Greg Laurie and had to share it because there are so many people dealing with depression or anxiety of some sort. I myself have not been depressed on a deep level but some have and even if you haven’t we all face days where we just do not want to get out of bed. We are so focused on ourselves and our unwillingness to go out into the world. We can’t see past the doorstep when sometimes all we need is to step outside and see God’s beautiful creation and help one of God’s creatures and we can start to feel better. I am not trying to lessen depression in any way, I know sometimes it takes doctor’s visits and lots of work and help from others but I truly believe that when you stay focused on God rather than things in this world, you cannot help but find joy in, if nothing else, the fact that someday we will be with him in paradise.

Greg Laurie says he has a 10 step program to help with depression.

  1. Do something for someone who has greater needs than you
  2. Repeat number one 9 more times

This may sound silly and may sound insensitive to how you are feeling but as Greg Laurie says in this clip he is not trying to dismiss clinical depression. This is just a point to say sometimes, when we get into a funk, if we go out and do something selfless…and keep doing those things we may find that it is refreshing. God blesses us when we choose to bless others.

Take a listen…

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Joy comes in the morning…

This week has worn me completely out and it is only Tuesday. I feel like I could just sleep the rest of the week but that would probably not be the best decision so I am thankful that throughout everything, God is strong when I am weak. I am also thankful (SO thankful) for my husband. He really is there for me when I need him (which is always…I always need him).

I have been feeling very defeated lately. The enemy has been trying to steal my joy and lately this jumbled up world has been making it easy for him. Yesterday was a particularly frustrating day and I decided to take a moment and edit a couple photos. Photography is like medicine to my soul, focusing me on other things besides my problems. Something that effected me even more this time is, after editing 2 photos and texting them to my husband, he replied in such an uplifting way. He was so proud of me and excited that I was working on my photos. He told me he almost got choked up at work because he thinks I really have a gift and he really likes to see me using it.

Now there are some things going on lately that are obstacles for us and I have been trying to stay positive and focus on the bigger picture, the end result, the promises God has for me, but sometimes it is just plain hard. Reading His word and praising Him in song help. Praying helps. God is holding me and whispering to me every day that He loves me, He’s in control, and He will fulfill what He has promised. Even so, we as humans really rely a lot on affirmation from others, encouragement from others, someone else saying God will never let you down. We know He won’t leave us, we know He loves us more than we can imagine but just like children who need reminded of what is right and good, we need others telling us the truths of God, strengthening our faith with their encouragement and their testimonies. I have been encouraged by others stories, by songs and scripture, but when my husband, my sister,  or friend tell me that I have a gift, that I should share it with the world and that they themselves like my work…I cannot help but feel blessed and redirected. They remind me to focus on the good and that while I am waiting for certain things in my life, I can use my talents for God’s glory.

When we are waiting, when we are facing uncertainty, God is there and He is working and He wants us to do our part to use our time wisely while we are waiting. He is expecting us to spread the joy of knowing Jesus to everyone we know. He is expecting us to still remain joyful no matter our circumstances because we have hope in Him and because we cannot win over the hearts of men by acting hopeless and unhappy. We have to be a beacon of light to a dark world. We must remember to rejoice for the blessings we have and show others that God is faithful, He is for us, and nothing can come against us. This morning, as I reflect on the past few days, past few weeks, I am reminded of the words of my husband. I’m reminded that he loves me, is proud of me, wants to help me, and is there for me. I am constantly blown away by how much my husband loves me. How much more still does God love me? We should be constantly in awe of His grace, mercy, and love.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:4-7

Click the link if you would like to see the 2 photos I edited yesterday and if you would like to purchase one please let me know!

Photography

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